distances

Isn't it odd how with some people, relationships can stop for months and months, and then as soon as you see each other or speak to each other things just pick right back up? You fall back into old familiar spots-- which is great, when those spots were good, and painful when they weren't. Even when you know that your next conversation might not be for another year, for whatever reason, it's so nice to be comfortable enough with someone to be able to say what you're really thinking, and know what makes them feel good, and especially-- above all-- just be quiet together without feeling like you have to talk. I missed that so much during my year in France. As close as friendships became, I was rarely in a place where I could just be quiet with someone and be totally at ease. When I got that, it was only for a short time, and its departure was more depressing than its initial absence.

Currently, my relationships are almost all padded with distance. My closest girlfriends, from high school, have been dispersed for college, and are about to disperse even further, to other parts of the country. Some friends are leaving the country altogether. And yet when we do get together, we can dump ourselves out on the couch, breakfast-club style, and go through each other's crap, with no embarrassment. We get each other.

My boyfriend is home for the summer, across the ocean with his family and friends. Each period of separation gets easier, in a way. A combination of practice and maturity and flexibility makes it easier to be apart, though neither of us has had an easy go of it this summer. But for some reason, between us, distance has an odd effect on me. Every time we come back together, his voice-- which I hear regularly on the phone and on Skype-- is still completely familiar to me, but I have to reorient myself to his physical presence. It is never quite as I had it in my mind, and there's always a split second of panic that the guy that I'm running up to isn't the right one. But when he speaks, and I am allowed access to that part of him that I have maintained contact with, I am instantly at ease. And yet, when we are together, we can be quiet for hours without an ounce of trouble.